3rd time not so lucky

Eish. [Used in South African English and Afrikaans to express exasperation or disbelief. ~ Urban Dictionary]

Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this chemo malarkey, it knocked me sideways. Currently buried under a thick duvet in a woolly hat, I’m trying to avoid a weekend stay at hospital. My oncology nurse has threatened me twice today that if I so much as get a twitch in my chest, I’m to come straight in to A&E. So I’m on my best behaviour and keeping my head down. 

So far with chemo, I’ve had a couple of days’ grace, where I’m able to enjoy a gentle weekend before I batten down the hatches. Then usually around day 3 and 4, things get a little nasty…

Unfortunately this time around, it was like the chemo had a direct line in and I felt pretty rotten from day 1. This wasn’t helped by the steroids that I have to take for 3 days starting the day before chemo. My emotions were all over the place and I felt so poorly that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wasn’t able to watch anything or read anything worthwhile, so found myself skimming rubbish articles online and resting my eyes inbetween. 

For anyone that wants to know what chemo feels like, I have to say that everyone experiences it differently but I’ll give you an idea of how it feels for me…

Besides the crazy mood swings, I feel incredibly tired. Any minute energy expenditure usually results in me gasping for air like my first ever 10k race. My whole body feels jittery and shaky, and aching in places I  didn’t know existed. Going up the stairs is a mammoth task, but coming down makes me feel like my wobbly knees might snap. Sudden sharp pains in my head and in my new scars and more recently, heart-attack-esque chest pains – like spasms, in my sternum and back. Stomach troubles here and there, kept in check by a stash of drugs, hot flushes and chills, and on and off nausea. Then there’s chemo brain. The brain fog is real. 

So there you have it. Basically it’s shit. I promised myself that I wouldn’t sugar-coat my posts if I felt truly awful. I wouldn’t want someone who is just about to embark on chemo to think it’s going to be an easy ride. I probably got off a little lucky on round 2, and hoping round 4 isn’t as cruel. 

But, c’est la vie, I’ve still got my sense of humour, family, friends, and future. 

Sarah xxx